HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST OR PEOPLE WHO ABUSE POWER (PART 2 OF 2)

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Have you ever been in a situation where you cannot trust anyone, including yourself?

You cannot even trust your own thoughts about it. 

It could be a traumatic event which caused your mental state to suffer and trigger something like PTSD, ...

... or when you need to escape from an abusive environment where you are consistently gaslighted that your sense of reality seems distorted. 

I'd like to invite you to explore that with me using one of the best K-dramas of 2021 called The Veil, starring, Namgoong Min


This is Part 2 of 2. Read Part 1 HERE

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#6: Question everything, even when evidences and proofs are right in front of you


When Han Ji-hyuk attacks his ex-colleague-turned-superior, Seo Su-yeon, assuming she is the rat in the NIS, he thinks he has physically hurt her badly when she is only slightly bruised.

Then, as already being in a compromised mental state, when Seo Su-yeon gets shot before his very eyes and he is suddenly being interrogated as the prime suspect, it is almost as if Han Ji-hyuk cannot trust himself anymore. 

Even so, he is unable to trust the evidence presented, either. 

Now, it's Han Ji-hyuk's turn to manipulate Director Kang's (his recruiter and superior) weakness in real-time evidence so that he would be able to talk to someone who may provide him with a new lead.

This shows that you can take advantage of what happened to you and use it against others.  

"Guilt can sometimes be used as your safety net." - Han Ji-hyuk

With this new lead, Han Ji-hyuk then attempts to make a deal with Chan Chung Woo, an NIS agent who is deeply absorbed into Samunghoe (an organization consists of ex-NIS agents). 

He made Chan Chung-woo hand over the actual evidence of Seo Su-yeon's shooting by describing the worse possible consequences imaginable for Chan Chung-woos's treachery towards Samunghoe. 

He also makes sure Chan Chung-woo knows that killing him will not change anything. 

Like Han Ji-hyuk, when negotiating, control the options in the cards that you deal

This tactic by Han Ji-hyuk is effective when you have the upper hand of a situation. 

You manipulate people's emotions, especially fear and terror, to force them into action

According to author Robert Greene, common weaknesses of people are in the form of insecurity, raw emotions, or secret pleasures

However, playing with people's emotions are dangerous

You must know the limits of the situation and proceed with caution. 

"Who wishes to fight must first count its cost." — Sun Tzu


#7 Even without trust, you can still make a deal with people


Han Ji-hyuk's partner, Yoo Je-yi, informs that Seo Su-yeon (his ex-colleague-turned-superior) who got shot has woken up. 

Upon arriving at the hospital, Han Ji-hyuk noticed multiple red dot sights from the snipers aiming at him. 

To make things worse, the person who arrests him is Chief Kang, his own recruiter into the NIS. 

However, when people betray you, do not take it personally

"I don't have any ill will against you, sir. I'm just mad at myself. I feel like I let my personal feelings interfere with the doubts I should've had." — Han Ji-hyuk 

You may apply the technique Han Ji-hyuk used with Yoo Je-yi by asking the reason why they took such action

You try to view the situation from their perspective and move on

However, like Han Ji-hyuk, you observe their next moves

Nonetheless, no matter how much you distrust people, do not show it

They can still provide valuable information and do favours for you

After the arrest incident, Yoo Je-yi discovers that Han Ji-hyuk has installed a wiretapping app into her phone. 

Even so, because their similarities lie with Baek Mo Sa (the leader of Samonghae gang), Yoo Je-yi comes to Han Ji-hyuk wanting to make a deal. 

This shows that, even when you and the people around you are in an environment where no one can trust each other, you can still make a deal with them by turning the situation into a win-win for both parties


#8 Consider yourself as already dead


When Han Ji-hyuk finally finds out the person who killed his colleagues, he collapses. 

Dealing with a traumatic event, like what Han Ji-hyuk experienced, may also awaken memories of past traumas.

When things seem too much, you may even contemplate suicide like Han Ji-hyuk. 

If this is your situation, do not succumb to such thoughts. 

The truth is, you can get out from your situation only when your mind is clear (refer lesson #1). 

Let go of guilt or any overwhelming emotions. 

Yes, the circumstances are difficult and may seem impossible to solve or get over. 

However, taking the advice of the old Han Ji-hyuk before his memory loss, you can find great courage by considering yourself as already dead

When you are dead, you have nothing to fear. 

You will also not waste your time getting entangled in other people's petty dramas. 

Only with this fearless approach, you can focus on what you are supposed to do — your mission. 

"If that person is in from of you, don't hesitate. Take out from deep within you the darkness, anger, your desire for revenge, frustration, and despair." — Han Ji-hyuk

Like Han Ji-hyuk, allow yourself to temporarily embrace the intense emotions due to your current situation.

You are able to feel both positive and negative emotions because you are human.

This is totally opposite if you are dealing with people with narcissistic traits, whose emotions are only regarding themselves — lack of empathy.

You must quickly return to the present moment — no baggage from the past or fears on the uncertainties of the future. 

It will help tremendously if you also have at least one person who believe in you and what you are about to do next.

Additionally, to reach your goal, it will also help to find an ally who shares a common enemy.

This is similar to the case of Han Ji-hyuk with his recruiter / superior, Chief Kang, when the truth is finally out in the open. 

If needed, find an ally among your enemy's allies

Like how Han Ji-hyuk and team approaches Mr. Shin Su Yong of 'Planet' (an IT company that colludes with the Domestic Bureau), you can use sympathy as if your enemy's allies are also some sort of a victim. 

Additionally, you can also seduce them into working with you by offering to help them to achieve a more important goal in their business or life.


#9 Know how to handle the anger of a delusional person


Baek Mo Sa is deluded into thinking his old self was powerless in making the change he wants to see, hence, the need to adopt a new identity. 

This is due to trauma-related dissociative disorder and depersonalization, which eliminates his sense of reality and act just like the assumed identity. 

As a result, he chooses violence as the medium to express his anger and disappointment, as well as a means to deliver his message (prove his point). 

This shows that terrorism is political, the 'warfare of the weak'. 

In the NIS, an agent must leave out personal motives from duties, but the situation has changed. 

All the emotions, whether they are hatred or thirst for revenge, are needed to put a stop to Baek Mo Sa's lunacy.

You may not be dealing with a criminal and or a terrorist (someone who usually starts off from an anti-social behaviour) like Baek Mo Sa. 

However, you can still apply the following strategy when you are around people with who regard themselves as the wounded victims

As for Narcissists, they are oversensitive, they often react with rage, feeling self-righteous. 

Everything is about them. 

They may display self confidence outwardly, but the truth is they lack the skills of self-soothing and validating their self worth

"You think what you see is the truth, don't you? But the truth can only change from a different perspective." — Han Ji-hyuk 

Trying to reason with them is a waste of time — they will always find a way to justify their actions. 

This is because they perceive their way as the ultimate truth.

Like how Han Ji-hyuk manages to lure Baek Mo Sa out, what you can do is take advantage of their emotional reaction

Pretend like their plan is working but plant the seeds of guilt.

However, you must be careful because not everyone will react the way you expect them too (refer lesson #4)

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To deal with narcissists or people who abuse power (misuse any form of authority), protect yourself first

Do this by not displaying anything about you that they could use against you — even something as simple as your face expressions. 

They could be your boss or business partners. 

However, the most dangerous thing is when they are within your close circle — intimate partner, friends, and family. 

They have the ability to manipulate you in such a way that your sense of reality seems distorted to the point that you cannot trust yourself — gaslighting

You may also come across people with victim mentality, who are just as dangerous. 

For that, as a summary, when everything gets confusing, start by paying attention to how you feel about the situation

Even so, don't be reactive. 

Aim to maintain your presence of mind

Only with a sound mind, you are able to question things and make deals that are favourable to you. 

However, courage can only come once you embrace death as your final destination in life. 

This fearless approach will help you face your current situation and future possibilities. 

Hope it helps, 
Aleda


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