"Dear Passion,

I have done you wrong for the past few years.

Despite the love that I have for you, I have caused you enormous burden to provide me financial stability or even success. 

I have pushed all other possibilities and opportunities just so that you and I can be together, just the two of us – without any distraction.

I quit my job to pursue my passion (true calling).

I wasn’t being fair to you.

Most importantly, I wasn’t being fair to myself.

I used to enjoy good music, playing dress up and connecting with people, especially women who go through similar path of inner work as me. 

Over the years, I basically stopped doing all that. 

Good music was replaced with motivational audio books. 

A nice wardrobe was compromised for the sake of saving up for those super expensive coaching programs

Connecting with people was used to ensure that I would get something in return e.g. contacts, referrals etc.

I know that, in order to become a good writer, I should view the world from a child’s point of view, where even the most mundane things seem fascinating.

The sound I hear.

The breeze that brushed against my skin.

Every emotion that I feel.

The taste of all my favourite food.

The difference between being child-like vs. childish to find my passion

The problem is that I have forgotten the difference between being child-like full of curiosity vs. being childish, where I would demand things to go my way or I would go angry at the world.

I have also forgotten that I didn’t start to write to become a good writer.

I write because that’s how I best express myself, as a shy introvert, who isn’t a fan of small talks, let alone big speeches.

The truth is, what I meant by being childish is that I had forced you to carry the responsibility to support me financially

There were so many ways for me to do that, being trained at many things.

My Passion as My Paycheck

Yes, who doesn’t want herpassion to become her paycheck? 

However, this isn’t the only way we can make our love affair work.

All this while I thought I just had a writers’ block.

The reality is that I just couldn’t write because my true and unconditional love for you was slowly being replaced with the pressure/desire to make a living out of our relationship.

I totally forgot the difference between having a passion and the need for a job.

That shouldn’t be the agreement at all.

I truthfully feel sad to finally realize that I could lose you if I stay with this mind-set.

I love you.

Therefore, I shall use the existing talents and skills that I have to go for side businesses or even a day job, again, if I must.

This is so that you and I can have this beautiful love affair that will never be affected by my competitive mind.

I choose to be raw, vulnerable and authentic while working to be the best version of me when I am with you

I want to allow myself be guided by my creative mind that fuels my passion.

With the competitive mind, I expected you to bring money within such a short period of time. 

In the end, all it caused was the feeling of not being good enough and that I am a failure.

And now I keep thinking, why on earth I did this to our relationship and to myself.

I will create a sustainable income for both of us, instead of asking you to do that for me.

And it turns out that the sustainable income that I was looking for to support both us is one of my long lost passion – working with nature as a Landscape Architect / Horticulturist.

The reason why I started this love affair with you is not to be so good at it that I make tons of money. 

I write because these acts bring me joy.

Yes, I am a selfish person. I do all this for me.

Joy is one of my core desired feelings.

I am not in love with you for the sake of helping others. 

I don’t have to carry the unnecessary burden of doing so. My main purpose in life is not to serve others. 

The reason why I am on this earth is to become the best version of myself as one of many ways for me to serve God. 

Helping others to heal is how I heal as well

If the work I do benefit others in a certain way, it would be a lovely side effect, but it should never be the ultimate goal."



This blog post is inspired by Elizabeth Gilbertwho speaks openly about her relationship with her passion to write.

She also shares how she made it as a well-known author, while doing odd jobs so that her creativity wasn’t affected by the desperation to make money to survive:


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