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LOVING AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN | Have you ever written a letter for him?

Loving an emotionally unavailable man… Have you ever written a letter to him? Ironic as it is, trying to express your emotions to a man, who is not capable of having emotional depth with a woman, let alone wanting commitment or marriage with her, is like trying to push water uphill with a rake.

However, this letter is actually for YOU, not him.

I wrote this a few weeks ago when I realized that, after two years of working on my emotional and spiritual well-being, I have raised my vibration up a notch, where even the idea of having to deal with an emotionally unavailable man is a real turn off for me, let alone falling in love with him.
I used to feel 'safe' being in a relationship with emotionally unavailable men because I was an emotionally unavailable woman myself. I had erected walls so high that I was numb emotionally. I couldn't even cry at funerals. So, no wonder how I had attracted my own mirrors.

With this realization, I feel free. As I mentioned earlier, this letter is actually for YOU, not him. This letter serves as a reminder for me and you that we deserve so much more in life. The world is filled with abundance, and emotionally available men are also part of that abundance. They are searching out there for rare strong feminine women to match with their masculine energy.

Quotes on Emotionally Unavailable Man | Aleda Boyd

So, here goes:

An Open Letter to an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Dear Mr. Emotionally Unavailable Man,

I miss ‘us’. 

Being best friends like we have always been. We can have dinner with each other. We can watch movies together. We can be there for one another through thick and thin but nothing more.

For now.

You can still have me in your life.

But you just won’t be on top of my priority list like before.

I am stopping you from conquering the most part in my heart.

Being someone that I love the most.

To make space for other good things in my life.

I want us to go back to the kind of relationship that we had when we first met. Enjoying gastronomy. Gossiping about people. Sharing ideas about our interest in style and fashion.

I won’t lie to you that there was a time that I wanted to cry because hugging you felt so good.

It was as if I was HOME.

However, the best way for me to deal with this relationship is to observe how it is serving me TODAY. Not YESTERDAY. Certainly, not TOMORROW.

And loving an emotionally unavailable man like you, undoubtedly, isn’t serving me today.

With what you said about not being ready every time you are under stress (which you have for so many times but I was the one who refused to listen, wishing that your statement was just a lint that I could just brush off and forget about),  I have finally made the decision to put the focus back on me.

I want to chase my dreams.

I want to understand life again.

I want to heal. Just like you do.

But, before that, there are things that I need you to understand.

I am not desperately in NEED of a man. But I WANT a man who wants me. I want to have a normal relationship, in which I am not kept as a secret or as something that is just good enough for now for him to date. I want a man who is brave and responsible enough to meet my family and friends, even though marriage is out of the question at the moment. All I want is for them to get to know this amazing man that I am in love with, nothing more.

I only want them to love him as much as I do.

Love, Commitment and Marriage that an Emotionally Unavailable Man Does Not Understand

The thought of marriage may scare you s***less. This is where you have misunderstood me; I don’t need marriage to be happy. In fact, I am scared of it too. At the same time, I enjoy my freedom. I am working on my passion and dreams. You have had me talking non-stop about them. You have also seen me cry for not living the life I wanted. So, no, my mission was not to lock you down for marriage. My purpose in life is bigger than that. I am just enjoying the relationship as much as you are. Marriage, to me, is just like an icing on top of a beautiful cake, with a great relationship being that cake. We have even had talks about it that what we have is so rare and beautiful.

Do you remember me telling you that I live the moment? This is what I meant. To me, a great minute turns to a great hour. A great hour turns to a great day. A great day turns to a great week. A great week turns to a great month. A great month turns to a great year. A great year turns to a great life.

This is what life is. It’s all about growth and progress.

It takes baby steps.

The same goes with love. Love is not a DESTINATION. It is a DECISION made by a couple EVERY DAY. Each day is a new adventure. It never gets boring because both of them commit to renew their love every day. However, being together doesn’t stop them from being who they as separate individuals, each with own hobbies and life goals. In this journey that is full of hope but no expectations, they go through ups and down together. They are not naive to expect their relationship to always be all about rainbows and unicorns. They don’t simply let go when things aren’t ideal for them.

The only thing that they let go is the need for perfection.

There is no such thing as perfection, anyway. No one in this life is without a painful past or baggage. The only difference is how we deal with it. It is about whether we choose to love again, or to simply stay in pain and sufferings, when we can only live this life once.

That is the kind of COMMITMENT that I have been talking about all this time. Not marriage.

Marriage is just an agreement. A piece of paper. People chase after it so much, but I keep seeing them going against what they have promised. People get divorced and cheated on. Some of them even leave without a word. These are the people who choose not to renew their love every day. They simply let go when things aren’t ideal for them. That’s why marriage is not something that I care so much for, as of now. It should become easy, when the timing is right. And, oh, when it’s with the right person. And, when it happens, it’s all because of my religious duties. Nothing more. Certainly, it’s not a tool for me to lock any man down.

There are times when you are so eager to leave this place. You want to heal and start a new life. At first, you said that nothing will change between us if that ever happens. Distance won’t affect us. I believed that, too. You even talked about what we could do to make us closer when the moment really comes. You tried to reassure me. But, then, you said different thing.

You told me that people leave.

Why I Choose Not to be Angry with an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Even up to this day, I am still in love with you, an emotionally unavailable man…

I can choose to identify with my anger and resentments if I listed all the things that you have and/or not done. I can choose to be angry, especially at the fact that you have made me think that you are falling for me with all those nice and loving gestures. I can always repeat the words you have spoken about you wanting to give us a try. You even questioned me, one day, why I was talking as if we have no future together. I can hate you for telling me that you are not ready, especially every time life gets hard on us, but will come back and act as if nothing happens.

Repeatedly all these years.

But, you know what? Because of self-love, I won’t go on that path.

You have always told me that I am different from those women. That I am laid back and don’t bother you so much. I don’t chase you, like they always did. Yes, I am different. And I also choose to be different this time.

I know that to love an emotionally unavailable man and have him loving me back is possible. However, being with you all these years have taught me that love alone doesn’t necessarily guarantee that a couple can stay together in the long run.

Dating an emotionally unavailable man only means one thing - either accept or reject what he is offering...

Because of that, I choose myself over you. I choose to own my part in this arrangement and forgive myself. I won’t proceed to victim mentality. We have chosen to be in this mess together. You didn’t put me on shackles to stay with you. We are the mirrors for each other. We help each other heal from our own f****d up past and even current issues.

Whether we realize it or not, both of us are emotionally unavailable. That’s why we attracted one another. It is the Law of Attraction at work.

I choose to tune in to my emphatic nature and be in your shoes. No one intends to hurt others. They are only for themselves. I want to think that everyone has his/her own journey to complete. And each of us is trying the best that we know we can.

We did have one of the best relationships in our life. One thing I have learnt is that being an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t stop you from treating me with trust, love, respect, kindness, care etc.

The kind of relationship that I had never gotten being with all those men before you.

Unfortunately, you have chosen to continue with your sufferings (living in your past), while I choose love and embrace the present moment. I would still choose you but I choose to love myself more. I need to go back to taking care of myself again.

Both of us were given the chance to experience such a rare type of love. Because of that, I am forever grateful for this journey. You have inspired me to become the woman that I am today, as much as I have been the woman that you wish you have met in different time.

I know that I will see you again but, I guess, I am just going to be a changed woman, who would choose self-love above loving any man.

Take care.

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  1. I love it! Beautiful.

    1. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me :)

  2. Beautiful Aleda. Perfect for the many of us who have fallen for a EUM.

    1. Thank you, Vanessa, for your support. You are such a beautiful soul.

  3. You are a mirror of where I am exactly right now in my journey. Thank you, beautiful soul. I am loving and letting go of him too. With love not separation, which is the only way to truly detach enough to let go.

    1. Thank you, Ruth! I really appreciate your feedback. Would love to get to know you better. Join my intimate Facebook community at http://bit.ly/desiresofawoman

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Wow Aleda... i needed to hear this. And what you wrote - "With what you said about not being ready every time you are under stress (which you have for so many times but I was the one who refused to listen, wishing that your statement was just a lint that I could just brush off and forget about), I have finally made the decision to put the focus back on me."

    This has happened and still happening with the man that I love. Thank you.

    1. I appreciate this so much, Amy Lyn. I am glad that this article helps you in a way. Let's connect if you want xo


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