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How to Let Go After a Break Up | by Aleda Boyd

Break ups are inevitable. No amount of inner/self-work may make any woman immune from this situation. Break ups happen for many reasons.

Some couples may no longer vibrate the same frequency. This is common for a feminine woman who loves herself, as she outgrows her man, emotionally and spiritually, due to the inner/self-work that she does, while he stays static at his place.

Not many women know what to do after a break up, let alone how to let go or how to move on after a break up. Only a feminine woman who loves herself knows how to. Therefore, what makes this kind of woman rare? It is in the way she handles conflicts or, in this case, break ups. This is how:


‘Without great solitude, no serious work is possible’ – Pablo Picasso

Quotes on Introverts, Emotional Healing by Pablo Picasso

A feminine woman who loves herself is able to sit still with her thoughts and feelings.

She accepts the pain and discomfort because experiencing negative emotions is all part of being human, despite the inner/self-work that she commits to.

She does not resist anything that has happened to her and the relationship. She is not afraid to cry as much as she needs to. Yes, she does feel sad but she accepts ‘what is’, knowing that everything happens for a reason.

This kind of woman is feminine on the outside, but she is made of resilience and courage on the inside. She is not afraid to be alone with herself without the need for any distraction from books, gadgets, music or even new relationships (rebound).

She faces her reality and learns from it for her next journey. No relationship is a waste of time when she is able to learn so much and makes her grow. To her, forcing herself to be busy will only slow down her healing process.

Therefore, even though she moves on to live her life, she still finds time to be alone with herself for intense inner work/soul searching.

During this time, she is careful not to engage in negative self-talk. Her only focus is healing. She does not make herself feel victimized from the situation. To her,sufferings are optional. No one and nothing can hurt her unless she allows herself to be.



‘My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me’ – Imam Shafi’i

Being a feminine woman, who is masterful in managing her emotions, she re-evaluates the relationship by what is happening today. She knows that it is not about the sweet memories of yesterday (the past) or the possibilities of tomorrow (the future).

She lives the moment, which means that she lives a day at a time. This is because she possesses the wisdom that she has no control over her past or her future. Those are God’s business. All she has is only the present. That is the freedom of mind that not many people have.

However, she is open to any possibilities. He might come back or he might not. Anything is possible; she puts an end to all limiting beliefs and sees the world in abundance. To her, what belongs to her will always find its way back to her, no matter how far it has wandered. Love is freeing; it does not confine.

Nonetheless, she does not need to be anxious on what she might do if he does come back. She decides that she will only go through every situation as it comes. Until then, she just moves on with her life. This is how she lives the moment.


‘Self-love doesn’t mean that everyone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It means that you won’t let them change the way you see yourself, nor will you stick around for them to destroy you’ – Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
Quotes on Self Love by Tony Gaskins Jr.

A feminine woman who loves herself aims to surround herself with people, things, environments, thoughts and feelings that remind her of love. She knows how to be turned off by the negative behaviour of the other person that caused the break up that does not translate love at all.

Of course, she does not deny the fact that she does love him regardless of what has happened between them. However, she chooses to love herself more than loving him.

This is because she knows the difference between unconditional love and being a doormat. This means that she will only allow him in her life if he approaches her with love and care.

Otherwise, she moves on. She withdraws from people or things that make her feel the opposite of love, without any drama. She never leaves them in resentments.

She is able to find the space in her heart to feel compassion towards even the most hurtful people. Bashing people is never her style. She is wise to know that the only reason why people hurt others is because they do not know what to do with their pain. Thus, she prays for them and wishes them well in her heart. Here is a quote by Yasmin Mogahed:

Quotes by Yasmin Mogahed
‘You cried when He took away your drop of water,
not knowing He'd saved for you, the sea.' ~ Yasmin Mogahed


p/s: I am the founder of #thefemininewarrior movement. I work with introverted, highly sensitive women to find love within themselves so that they can manifest conscious relationships, fulfilling careers, and meaningful life. 

I believe that souls can really heal through poetry. Book a coaching session with me HERE.

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  1. Really good article*
    I've read a lot about relationships and you seem to bring fresh new ideas, perspectives & material.
    Thank you!**

  2. Really good article*
    I've read a lot about relationships and you seem to bring fresh new ideas, perspectives & material.
    Thank you!**

    1. Wow. Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback.


I do welcome constructive feedback. However, your chosen words are a reflection of who you are. You can certainly get your points across with kind words. And, oh, spams are not attractive.