THE STRANGEST FEELING...

I have the strangest feeling. I actually found myself awake at almost 2a.m. today, feeling so disappointed with what I have just found out about someone I look up to and adore so much all these years despite the fact that he doesn't know me, let alone give a damn about me. All these years, I've been literally carving his witty and honest poetry inside my head for strength to go through life. I've read his silly book. I've had his artwork as the background for my phone for four straight years and counting. He's one of the reasons why I chose poetry as my exit door just like music as his. I've even used his name as part of my own as my alias for so many years and still do. He's just the type of man that I consider as pure perfection. Because of him, I wanna be Anna Molly. And suddenly, since yesterday, I feel stupid for looking up to him too much. I feel cheated for believing in him when what he believes in is something that horrifies me the most. I feel vulnerable. Gosh, I'm in great despair...It's weird because we have never met, yet, he had been a big part of my life. Yes,I said HAD. And I'm not sure how I'm gonna survive this...Maybe if you know the person who I'm speaking of, you'd probably think that I'm delirious but only complex people like me can understand how it's like to depend so much on art, poetry or sound to survive a harsh thing called life...


23/08/2011

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