NEEDY GIRLFRIEND VS. INDEPENDENT FEMININE WOMAN: WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT HOW TO COPE WITH STRESS AND PAINFUL SITUATIONS

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NEEDY GIRLFRIEND VS. INDEPENDENT FEMININE WOMAN: WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT HOW TO COPE WITH STRESS AND PAINFUL SITUATIONS | by Aleda Boyd


SOFT ON THE OUTSIDE, STRONG ON THE INSIDE

An extraordinary feminine woman is someone who is soft on the outside, but strong on the inside. She is resilient and emotionally independent. She always chooses to be the heroine of her life, never a victim. She is a woman of truths and inspiration. That's what make her so beautiful. She is a piece of art. Like one of my favourite quotes
Quotes on how to be an emotionally strong feminine woman | www.aledaboyd.com
"A queen will always turn pain into power." - Unknown

However, being strong and resilient does not mean that she has to always face her all her struggles and challenges alone. As a feminine woman, it is perfectly alright to express your needs for any kind of support.

There is one relationship tips that I have to share with you, though. Generally, men do not know how to react and comfort their women. 

Every time a man hears his woman vent, he would immediately think that he has to help her solve her issues, unaware that she might just need him to just listen and make her feel loved. 

A lot of relationship issues stem from not knowing that men and women are 'wired' differently. For that reason, we cannot speak and do as we want, at the excuse of being authentic, while expecting men to adjust. 

To make our relationships smooth-sailing, most of the time, it is us who have to fine-tune. And, knowing that our little actions will positively affect the entire course of our relationship with our men, that is power.

As women, especially those with big raw energies like me (I am an Introvert, an Empath , an INFJ, and a Highly Sensitive Person, all role into one), we have to know how to communicate our needs with men.

Not knowing how to do this during these times can create a lot of relationship issues or problems. This will cause you more anxiety and stress.

READ MORE: How to connect emotionally with a man 

However, before you speak to your man about your need for his help and support, I have to be blunt and let you know that, in this life, nobody owes us anything. 

From a place of love, I have to tell you that taking care of you is NOT your man's job. It's nobody's, not even your family, but yours. When your man does go out his way to support and be there for you, it is a GIFT from him. And vice versa, of course.

Now, you may not like what I just told you. You may even want to stop reading at this point. One thing for sure, knowing this fact is crucial. Most women do not know how to navigate their relationships during difficult moments because they do not have this information. And that is why they are ordinary. 

You might want to ask, "well, what's the point of me having a boyfriend / husband, if he can't be there for me all the time?"

YOUR MAN IS NOT IN YOUR LIFE TO SAVE YOU

The best way to enter a relationship is when you are already 'whole', which means that your 'LOVE TANK' is FULL and YOU DON'T NEED A MAN TO SAVE YOU. Your single life is beautiful and fulfilling, and you feel that it's time to share it with someone.

And, what's even more important is that you are INDEPENDENT and RESILIENT. You able to deal with your s**t and face your demons ON YOUR OWN. However, of course, you can reach out when the situation requires help and support. 

LEARN MORE: 10 Things that a Man finds Sexy in a Woman

This is what I mean by being soft on the inside, but strong on the inside - the true characteristics of an Extraordinary Feminine Woman.

In a healthy, well-polarized relationship, a man and a woman are able to balance the act between supporting each other and allowing space for personal growth. 

As your man, he may not need to always be there for you, but he is by your side during important events / situations, such as emergencies, getting promoted at the work place, loss of a job, death of a loved one, etc. 

The rest of the time, he would hold a safe space for you to roam the world and explore your limitless capabilities as a woman. Both of you are not CO-DEPENDENT on each other to thrive in this life. In fact, you encourage one another to be the best versions of yourselves. This is what constitutes a CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP.

While working on your own issues can help you grow as an individual, you can definitely lean on him once in a while, as this could bond both of you as a couple. 

In fact, expressing your needs from a place of deep SELF-LOVE demonstrates your true courage and vulnerability as a feminine woman. 

The main thing lies in your energy while doing it, not really in what you say to him. This makes you stands out in his life as an extraordinary feminine woman.

Most women are not taught on how to express their needs. They often reach for help and support from a place of FEAR, which makes them end up looking desperate, insecure and needy. Why is that so?

ARE YOU BEING A NEEDY GIRLFRIEND, OR JUST EXPRESSING YOUR NEEDS?

Neediness is not based on what you do or do not do. It is the mindset ABOUT YOU NEEDING A PARTICULAR THING FROM A SPECIFIC PERSON. In this case, you want him to react a certain way or do a particular thing when you have to face a tough situation. 

Neediness is when your man HAS to be there for you EVERY TIME you are in an emotional wreck. This HABIT proves that you are incapable of solving your own issues and managing your own life.

As I mentioned earlier, in this life, nobody owes us anything and taking care of us is NOT our men's job. It's nobody's, not even our family members, but ours. When our men do go out their way to support and be there for us, it is a GIFT from them. 

When you operate from this type of MINDSET, you will never demand or force your man to do anything to make your life complete. Trust me, he will sense 'lightness' in your energy. In return, he will want to do more for you.

That is the power of an extraordinary feminine woman - SHE DOES NOT DEMAND; SHE INSPIRES.

And that's a win-win for both of you.


Of course, our inner work is never done. It is a journey, not a destination. If this concept is new to you, the very first thing you can do is self-compassion. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you do now. Today is another day.

If you have been demonstrating neediness and insecurity (i.e. a lot of masculine energy) while communicating your needs with him, the best thing you could do is NOTHING for now.

Lean way back. 

This is the moment where you embrace fully in your feminine to reflect on what actions you can take YOURSELF to overcome this challenging moment. 

DO NOT make this situation about him. 

During this period, take great comfort in yourself because you are not alone. Encouragement and support do not have to ONLY come from a man. 

Your family and friends can provide you just as much love and support during these tough times, when dealing with your challenges on your own is too much for you. 

Again, their support is a gift, not an obligation towards you. When you keep this in mind, you can easily face any challenges from  a place of love (gratitude, appreciation, mindfulness, etc.), not fear (worry, anxiety, etc.). 

This will create a safe container for people from your surrounding to provide love and support towards you. 

At the same time, operating life from a place of no (or lack of) expectations from others, they will be more inclined to be there for you during tough times. Helping you will bring them joy, instead of having them resenting you.

ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR POWER AS A FEMININE WOMAN

When communicating your needs during moments of weakness and vulnerability, the only requirement is that your man must be open to learn on to how to respond to you. 

He also needs to continuously demonstrate that he is prepared to work on qualities that feel uncomfortable to him. 

As I have said earlier, we cannot make our men respond the way we want them to. However, you must remember that it is you who determines whether your man is worth the 'investment'.

You do not have to stay in a relationship where you feel more alone than being single. This is where your power as an extraordinary feminine woman lies...

Embrace your feminine energy,

If you find this article helpful, learn the emotional hot buttons to a man’s heart that even he might not be aware of.


Hi, I'm Aleda, a Relationship Coach. I work with highly-sensitive, empathic women, showing them how to be more high value and feminine in their relationships. 

This allows them to feel adored and cherished by literally doing nothing, and to sustain their men's attraction in the long run despite challenges or conflicts, so they could experience meaningful, fulfilling relationships while maintaining their strong sense of individuality. 


Because physical beauty may initially attract a man's attention, but it's your quiet energy that keeps him. Start HERE.


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